california gold rush

last year, i quit my job and headed west,

looking for a gold trophy, but

never wanting to be the gold trophy.

but all i've "accomplished" was being rubber banded to you,

stretching the elastic so much it will soon snap under pressure.

every sunset brings me both closer to and further from you.

the other day, i tried to build a sandcastle in the sand,

but the wave quickly came and took all my efforts away,

the sand remaining but incomprehensible below my feet,

getting wet by the cold pacific ocean water,

a shock like ice baths after practice when i was sixteen.

california brings out my inner child,

maybe that's the gold rush i was seeking all along.

how long until we have to grow up?

july

since i moved here,

the city lights from my balcony

have been my stars at night.

i'm slowly checking them off,

been there, done that,

now the places I've been 

suddenly look dimmed. 

i don't want to ruin the mystery.

i want to remember it fresh.

i'm sitting at a table for two

waiting for god knows who.

i want to get a map of the world

and throw darts at it. 

that's how i got here in the first place.