mulholland drive

now i only leave the house at dusk,

drive through the hollywood hills,

making sure i breathe in the fog and not the smog,

streetlights blurry like colorful christmas lights.

everyone's moving, putting lights on the curb.

it's almost may...

i don't want to be down here anymore,

everyone's getting their halo, but me.

if you haven't guessed i'm impatient.

the only time i can relax is when i'm in patient.

spending everyday buying loubs for 30 cents,

trading it in for living and breathing,

a cheap trade for living in california.

it's better than being back home, wherever the fuck that is.

both the home ruined by war and the one ruined by people i love(d).

i'm driving around endlessly into the night, peering through the fog,

looking for a new light signaling home.

lost love

you never brought me flowers,

but on my walks the flowers come out for me anyway,

roses, birds of paradise, staring back at me.

hummingbirds softly grazing the petals,

there's beauty in everything and i can have it all.

only fools believe beauty is what money can buy.

but the most beautiful things are free;

like grazing my cheek with your hand,

holding my heart in your hand.

but you squeeze too hard, to bruise.

then you don't hold on enough, and release.

you never seemed to get the right hold.

sometimes i feel like I'm back in high school,

sitting, contemplating, analyzing, talking to a wall;

the soft animal inside me wanting to

run down the flower paths and dive into the ocean at sunset.

6 mo in LA

Waking up after dusk,

where did the time go?

Baby brother is 21 tomorrow,

clock hand spinning so fast it flew off.

He starts drinking just as I stopped.

We are on different pages, different time zones.

I'm at the grocery store buying a plastic bag to hold a plastic bag.

Everyone is telling me to fix my face,

but I just want to fix my mind.

I'm out here on my balcony everyday,

looking at the Hollywood Hills at night,

looking for a sign.